Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Girls should come with a carfax report
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
