I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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