just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
