Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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