I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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