Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
