So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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