we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
