if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
