So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
