Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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