Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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