Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
