I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
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