last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Randomize
