Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
