I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
