i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
