just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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