I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
