At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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