can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
how does that bad decision feel?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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