Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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