Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
