Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
