Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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