He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
