Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
