I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
zippers are such a cool invention
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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