I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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