i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He felt like a one man threesome
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
