Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
