i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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