I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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