you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
