Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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