I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
