I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
