He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
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