he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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