I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
i out mim tonsoeep
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
