he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
