i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
time to smoke my breakfast
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
That's how pantless uber rides happen
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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