how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
