Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i think my tv is drunk
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
