She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
