if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
