i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize