Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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