I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
